Balancing Work, Family and the Teen Years
February, 2012 Email
Meeting the needs of teens and our goals for gender equity …
Thursday February 16th at 12:30pm ET Inga Dóra Sigfúsdóttir, a professor at Reykjavik University, will share her research demonstrating how increased parental involvement reduces teen substance abuse even in progressive countries like Iceland.
Professor Sigfúsdóttir’s research shows us that sometimes the most important ingredient for teens is just having a parent home and available as needed. But how do we do this without reinforcing gender norms – both at work and at home? Once again, Shared Care families help us shed light on this important issue. And as you read today’s newsletter, you’ll see they didn’t wait until their children were teens to put these practices in place.
Read on to hear a few of the lessons learned from Shared Care families about the teen years. Or download our PDF “A life committed to Shared Care” to see how both men and women can succeed at work while also creating time for family from the early years, the teen years and beyond.
Lastly, I’ve included a personal insight from my own experience raising teens.
Happy almost spring,
Jessica and the ThirdPath Team
The changing needs of families with teens:
When children become teens, suddenly families discover their children are “too old” for after school care. Sometimes this also corresponds with a point in each parent’s career where they are facing increasing responsibilities at work.
Too often this combination of changes can reinforce traditional gender roles. One parent makes changes to be home earlier – often the mom – freeing up the other parent to continue to fully focus on work.
In contrast, Shared Care parents have been building a joint tool box to manage this new stage of parenting. Together they have learned how to redesign both work and family to create a wider array of solutions they can pull from to meet the needs of this unique and more fluid period of parenting.
Here are some “lessons learned” we’ve gathered from Shared Care parents who have navigated through the teen years.
- Even before their children became teenagers, both parents worked as a team to see how they could redesign work to accommodate the new 8:30 to 3 school schedule.
- Once parents organized their lives this way they discovered having time after school was a great way to connect with their children and get different household tasks accomplished.
- Without knowing it, these changes became even more important when their children became teens. Making these changes helped them get to know their children’s friends; create expectations that children would help around the house; and make dinner time a part of the family routine and important way to reconnect.
- Most importantly, as children became teens, parents discovered they needed to shift their approach to parenting and learn how to become more available on their children’s terms.
- Parents learned that teachable moments would come at unexpected times, at the mall when they were trying on clothes, or late at night when teens were trying to finish a paper. As one parent of a teen said, “I became like a beige couch – present, available, quiet, and accessible.”
Interested in learning more about how to set up Shared Care in your life? Visit our website, download our free resources, or find out more about the unique couples coaching we have available for new and seasoned parents.
Like it or not, children grow up …
When my children were young I really didn’t understand that my Shared Care journey with Jeff would include a point in time when my children would grow up and leave the house. But it happened. One child is off to college, which also means I know how quickly the other will be making his way through high school.
Life with teens is easier - As I compare my life today to the early years of our family, it’s amazing how much easier it is. Gone are the days of the physical demands of those early years. Now our son is busy with his own life. And on the days I’m “in charge” he often doesn’t come home until 4:30 or even 5:30. Now when one of us travels for work, gone are the exhausting days of doing “double duty” because the other parent is absent. Now I even have a second pair of hands around to help out with dinners, walk the dog and do all the other everyday tasks families require.
Life with teens is also harder - However – as any parent of a teenager knows – life with teens is also harder. The problems they face are more complex and often can’t be quickly crossed off the to-do list.
Creating a collective tool box – both at work and at home - What I didn’t know was how much my decision to Share Care with Jeff would become so valuable as our children grew up. As Shared Care parents we were both experts in flexing our work to be available for our children. And as Shared Care parents of teens we could both think together about how to handle the new and sometimes challenging territory of dating, driving and the all encompassing college application process.
I remember a moment a few years ago when our daughter was facing a significant challenge with another friend of hers. At that exact moment I also had a work commitment that I couldn’t reschedule. You can’t predict when your teenager will need a shoulder to cry on, but this was one of those moments. I left our house not knowing how things would unfold – my father was wonderful in so many ways, but my Mom was the parent I leaned on for emotional support. Returning home later that day, not only did I find my daughter once again ready to take on the world, I learned how much Jeff was truly my equal in managing the ups and downs of family life.
But we didn’t achieve our “team approach” overnight. It took practice, a few fights, me letting go and even getting some outside resource when we kept getting stuck in a particular problem. Now with our youngest in high school, Jeff and I will be using our “team approach” to start planning for life without children at home. Yes, I know it’s hard to imagine – but like it or not, children do grow up.
Whole Life Leaders – Leading the Way to Change
December 2011 Email
We’ve created a community of trailblazers just for you …
For 12 years we’ve been creating a community of men, women and leaders who are blazing new paths. These trailblazers include dads and moms who are sharing in the care of their children, Whole Life Leaders who are succeeding at work while forging integrated career paths and entrepreneurs who are creating a blue print for 21st Century workplaces.
These pioneering men, women and Whole Life Leaders are showing us why an integrated approach to work and life isn’t just good for families, it’s also good for businesses and good for our communities.
We’ve gathered their “lessons learned” into a one-of-a kind web site. In this email we are highlighting an excerpt from the new website about Whole Life Leaders.
On Thursday January 12th at 12:30pm ET we will feature two small business owners who have created flexible workplaces that support integration for all. Both are great examples of Whole Life Leaders and both will discuss why this approach creates a competitive advantage for their businesses.
On January 26th (12:30pm ET) – Across the Economic Spectrum: Integrated Solutions For Everyone, Part 1
- Joan C. Williams – author of Reshaping the Work Family Debate: Why Men and Class Matter
- Nina Madoo – ThirdPath Board Member and former Senior Director of Workplace Strategies at Marriott International.
You can also click on our “donate now” button and help us blaze a new trail for generations to come – see below. Read on for the “Top 10 Reasons” to make a donation today.
Enjoy Your Holidays.
Jessica and the ThirdPath Team
Who are “Whole Life Leaders” ?
Jennifer Johnson and Ken Stern are great examples of Whole Life Leaders – leaders who have been successful at work while also creating time and energy to be an involved father, mother, grandfather, husband, wife and community member.
Whole Life Leaders model and support progressive conversations at work – Whole Life Leaders help their team develop 21st century skills and an integrated mind set so that everyone increases their capacity to develop win-win solutions – solutions that foster a thriving workplace and multi-dimensional lives.
Whole Life Leaders create more sustainable workplaces - Whole Life Leaders who are small business owners, like Jennifer and Ken, are also leaders who are helping us create a blue print for 21st century workplaces. Workplaces that truly support everyone – from entry level to executive level – to follow integrated career paths.
Whole Life Leaders support progressive conversations at home - In addition, Whole Life Leaders are changing what’s happening at home. Together, they are working as a team to step out of traditional gender roles and address the changing needs of work and family. Sometimes this means one parent – the father or mother – temporarily steps out of work or reduces work to create a workable solution for the family. But they see this as one part of an on-going story where both parents are partners in caring for their children and meeting the financial needs of their family.
Download our Whole Life Leader PDF and see how these pioneers are changing how we do things both at work and at home.
To learn more, read Brad’s story – one father’s journey to becoming a Whole Life Leader. Or find out about our community of Whole Life Leader on our website.
Would you like to support our work?
Here are ten reasons to become a donor today:
10. It’s our 12th anniversary! Help us celebrate.
9. Many men want to live integrated lives – we’ve been helping them since day one.
8. Couples appreciate help redesigning work and family – it also helps promote equal treatment of men and women in the workplace.
7. We’ve got one-of-a-kind resources to help men, women and leaders live integrated lives. Vist our newly updated website today.
6. Thursdays with ThirdPath calls provide inspirational examples of people who have followed integrated careers – this helps others follow in their footsteps.
5. Our community of Whole Life Leaders are helping us design workplaces that truly support an integrated approach for all. Join our Whole Life Leader community.
4. No matter who you are, you can help us make change in the world. Become a volunteer or join our Integrated Life Advocate community.
3. Help us develop new resources for people who want to redesign work to phase into retirement or care for an aging parent.
2. Help us grow our community of learners so that all families – no matter their economic circumstances – can care well for their children and aging family members.
1. You will help create a world – both at work and at home – in which everyone can follow a “third path” – an integrated approach to work and life.
Join our family of donors. Make your tax deductible contribution today and help us continue to blaze new paths for generations to come.