Millennial Dads – Changing Our Workplaces and Families
Did you know that two-thirds of millennial men want to share caregiving responsibilities at home?
We learned about this from the wonderful Boston College Center on Work and Family report “The New Millennial Dad.”
It also got us thinking about what a positive impact this change would have on families, workplaces, women’s careers and our larger society!
For over 15 years, ThirdPath has been working with dads who have designed very diverse ways to succeed at work while also being an actively involved in the care of their children. Like today’s millennials, these dads were interested in finding ways to share caregiving responsibilities.
Below are a few examples of these dads’ stories. If you’d like to hear them talk about their experiences, click the YouTube video on the right. When you do this, you’ll also learn about what our society and workplaces need to do to support more men – including millennial men – to follow in their footsteps.
Bill started parenthood as an attorney working full time, Alexandra his partner, worked an 80% schedule in marketing.
“After the birth of our first son, Alexandra worked an 80% schedule (every Friday off). Seven years later, after the birth of our third son, Alexandra asked me to reduce my schedule so I could take on more responsibility at home and she could maintain her career. In response, I went to an 80% schedule (every Monday off).
“One year later, with a newly assigned manager, I met resistance to my schedule because of the workplace and societal views of men’s roles, and was told I would have to go full time. I pushed back and negotiated a 90% schedule (every other Friday off). Shortly thereafter, Alexandra was promoted and asked to go full time. In response, she followed my lead and negotiated a 90% schedule (taking the alternative Friday off). We maintained that for four years.”
Ultimately Bill ended up changing his career and staring a web design business. Today, they have settled into a healthy dynamic, where Alexandra works from home two days a week and Bill has plenty of flexibility from owning his own business.
Brett started parenthood as an attorney working full time. Together, he and his partner decided Angelike would become the stay at home parent.
“Angelike and I have been very focused on insuring that each of us can live a fulfilling and varied life. That focus – mixed with an interest in being actively involved parents and role models for our children – have been the guiding principles of our family decision making and lead us both to career and caregiving identities.
“At the time my daughter was born, we were both lawyers. We discussed maintaining both of our careers and hiring a nanny, one of us working part-time and one of us staying at home. We both liked our jobs but we both realized I got a lot more satisfaction and enjoyment out of my job than she did. We also decided that the nanny route,during the early years was not for us. Angelike’s boss was also not willing to accommodate a part-time schedule.
“Today, we are a family of an 8 year old, a 12 year old, a partner in a law firm and a mindfulness and self-compassion teacher whose work hours are increasing as her parenting hours get cut back. There are a lot of interests and needs to juggle and we approach them the same way we approached that first decision when my daughter was born: we sit down on the couch (all 4 of us), talk about all of our upcoming needs and, together, figure out the best path forward. Because that’s the only path there is.”
Roger started parenthood as an engineer working reduced hours. His wife Shimul, also an engineer, did the same thing.
When Roger’s son was born, both he and Shimul decided to work reduced hours so they could share in the care of their new baby. To begin with – even though they both worked for the same employer and had the same benefits – Roger’s wife assumed she would be the one who worked reduced hours. It was actually Roger who suggested they both could work part time. Now both parents have regular “alone” time with their child. Roger can see how this has helped the couple build a high level of trust.
Both parents feel comfortable in the other’s ability to take on any responsibility in their absence. This feeling of trust has also helped the couple feel closer in their relationship.
What can we learn from these choices?
- Families are diverse – What you want might be very different from the family right next to you.
- Families keep changing – Children change and work is probably going to change as well – change is part of the process.
- Supportive workplaces make a big difference – Roger and Shimul work for a company where people role model moving ahead in their careers while working reduced hours. This made their decision to both work a reduced hour schedule much easier.
Remember – Even in less supportive environments couples can work together to craft a solution that works well for their whole family.
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