Email Updates

Every other month we send out an email update about our work, what we are thinking, and where we are going with the ThirdPath Institute. If you would like to receive email updates, email us at time4life@thirdpath.org (we do not share subscribers' names with any other organizations). Please make sure to include "email updates" in the subject line.

Following is the text from an update highlighting a number of the Shared Care dads we've met over the years,in our annual Father's Day message.

Dear ThirdPath Community,

Happy Father's Day! Thanks to all the wonderful fathers out there for all the hard work you do in raising children and caring for and supporting your families. In today's update you will read reflections from a number of fathers striving hard to share in the care of their children - all from Dads who told us their Shared Care story over the past year. We really enjoyed putting this email together, and believe all of these Dads (and their partners) deserve a significant note of appreciation for the important role they are playing in redefining fatherhood for generations to come.

Enjoy the beginning of summer,
Jessica and Hanne

*** REFLECTIONS ON FATHERHOOD FROM SHARED CARE DADS ***

Jay - Father of 4 year old daughter, small business owner
" Always, always err on the side of spending more time with your young ones when conflicted about how to balance work and family time."

Patrick - father of 10 month old daughter, writer
" I love the time I spend with my daughter now. But that's not all. I also like knowing that what I am doing today is laying the groundwork for tomorrow and for the rest of our lives together. Doing Shared Care has helped my wife and mebecause we understand each other better and appreciate each other more. I certainly thought she was doing a great job when I was working full-time - but now that I am working much less and doing half the care we have this tremendous depth to our relationship because we are both able to do this extremely important thing. She really has confidence in me, and I have the utmost confidence in her, as well as an awareness and appreciation of everything that goes into being a parent.

" It's hard to sum up because it's a way of life. We are doing this not only because it is best for the baby, or best for us, but because it is best for everybody. There are times when it is difficult, but never harder than the more traditional setup. If my wife were doing all this on her own there would be no room for her to think about what she really wanted because she would have to subliminate her needs for the baby's. To someone on the outside, it may seem that the logistics that go into making a Shared Care family work might seem more complicated, but the logistics are the smallest part of this!"

David - father of 7 year old son, pastor
" I've written in a journal at least once a month for 7 years about all the great times Elijah and I have had together. I don't want either of us to forget how much fun we had playing basketball when he was two, going to the shore when he was 4, walking to school together at 6, or chasing each other practically every week. Being with him is the best part of my life."

Robert - Father of 19 year old twin boy and girl, and a 12 year old son, freelance tutor and home educator
" In some ways it's hard to think about it - we have done Shared Care for so long. It's just the way life is. It's something I just take for granted. My kids have been the center of my life for the largest part of my adulthood. I have spent the core of my time thinking about them and doing stuff with them. They just assume that I am here and available - in fact, if for some reason I am not available, it's like an affront to them. And this is how I like it to be.

" Even though the two older kids are in college, living their own lives, I still feel like I really know the shape of their lives. And they will let me know eventually what is going on. I got to see them through each step in their development, and I know I helped shape a lot of that. The choices they made about who they wanted to be, and the paths they decided to take - I got to shape a lot of that. I wasn't a spectator, but a complete participant. And they know me. Sure, the way they evaluate me now may change over time as they learn more about the world - they might understand my reactions better - but I have the sense that they really know me. They can joke around and make fun of me; I am not a stranger to them in any way. They see the warts and also know the good parts as well.

" Our whole set up has been a shared enterprise. There's a way my wife and I both get to understand all the parts of making a home - both the domestic side and the income-generating side. Even when we don't see each other for a while, we both know we are working together. We appreciate what each one is doing because we know what is really involved."

Andreas - Father of a 3 year old daughter and a one year old son, pediatrician
" When making a career choice, take family issues into consideration far in advance... Income is less important than a good support network and time off...Explore the needs of your partner often, but do not sacrifice all of yours."

Eric - Father of a 5 year old son and (almost) 2 year old daughter, engineer
" It's helpful for me to keep things in perspective and look at the big picture as I attempt to balance work and family. I will only have this one opportunity while my children are young and growing up to spend quality time with them. I will have many more years after they are grown to devote additional time to work, if I wish to do so. While it's important to be involved and challenged in one's professional career, try not to allow the pursuit of a successful career compromise achieving success as a parent. It's important for me to hear other people's stories and "think out of the box" to find creative ways to achieve this healthy balance for both my partner and I. "

Joe - father of 3 1/2 year old girl, financial planner
" The most important thing is that for the first five years of your kid's life you're the primary influence. They're deciding who they want to be, and if you are there, you are the one they are going to emulate. The more time I spend with my wife and daughter, the more time I want to spend with them. I love when we are together. My daughter Keely and I do so many things together. I play with her, put her to bed, bathe her, read to her - everything a typical mom would do, but there is no distinction between her mom and me. I have been there for her first tooth, her first walk, her first trip to the potty, the day she figured out how to ride a bicycle...."