Caring for Children - Traditional

Eduardo and Paulina - Financial manager works fulltime while his wife cares for and educates three children at home.

Family Story:

When Eduardo and Paulina had their first baby, he was in graduate school, and she worked part time. Together they decided she would stay at home to be with their child; coming from large South American families, both parents agreed they did not want their child in daycare. However, as recent immigrants to the U.S., they were unable to rely on their extended families as they would have liked, and so resolved that Paulina would stay at home. When the second and third children came along 2 and 4 years later, their resolve was even stronger that Paulina would be at home with the young children. The financial burden of having two and then three young children in daycare far outweighed what the family would make on a young professor's salary.

After their third child was born, Paulina returned to school for a couple of years to complete her undergraduate degree. She flexed her classes around her husband's course schedule so she could leave the three young ones in the afternoons with her husband when she needed to attend class.

From the start, Paulina, who had been a well-known child actress in her native Argentina, knew she was not interested in educating her children in the mainstream school system. When her children were old enough to begin their formal education, Paulina decided she would home-school all three. Even though this would require an enormous amount of time and resources, she was determined to make it work; as a child actress she had been educated on the set, at home with tutors, and through everyday life experiences, and had loved learning and education. Paulina and Eduardo wanted to maintain their children's natural curiosity and enthusiasm for learning, while making sure that each child's natural abilities were supported and encouraged as Paulina's had been. Their decision was not hindered by the fact that Eduardo had hated school, and did not want to subject his children to the anguish he had experienced as a young person.

As Eduardo's professional experiences and salary increased, the family was able to move from a cramped apartment to their first house in a neighborhood where they were surrounded by good friends. Paulina and Eduardo had built a strong network comprised of home-schooling families, Spanish speaking friends, and progressive and politically active community members. Their home was constantly filled with friends and visitors from around the world, and their children thrived. At each child's bar or bat mitzvah weekend celebration (the coming-of-age ceremony many Jewish families have for their 13 year-old children), relatives from South America, Europe and Israel poured into the family's modest brownstone home. The parties lasted all weekend, with food and dancing far into the night.

As part of the Jewish tradition they were trying to pass on to their children, Paulina and Eduardo spent Friday evenings at home with their children for Shabbat, eating a quiet dinner and celebrating time together as a family. The parents always spoke Spanish to the children, and so the children were completely bilingual.

Although there were clear divisions in who did what in the family, Paulina and Eduardo and their three children lived well, and were a close and well-connected family, surrounded by many good friends. Paulina did all the cooking and home maintenance, as well as overseeing the children's education, and Eduardo worked outside the home to maintain the family income. Although his children missed him when he was not at home, evenings and weekends he helped out with homework, academic and sports activities. The family lived somewhat modestly, taking one main vacation every couple of years to see family in South America.

Adapting to the Changing Needs of Family

Paulina and Eduardo built their entire family experience around their children's schooling needs. As the children grew older, Paulina's schedule shifted to accommodate her children's expanding social and educational needs. She no longer was primarily their teacher; she was also the person who ensured that they had significant time with their peers, got to play on a variety of sports teams, and got to pursue their natural interests. Eduardo's position as a tenure-track professor meant that he had less time with his three children and his wife than he would have liked, and so he sought out a position in industry which had less rigid hours and greater compensation, allowing more flexibility for his family in general..

Redesigning Work

Parent I: Eduardo managed to shift from academia to industry in order to make more time and more income for his family. He specifically chose a business to work for that would allow him some flexibility in terms of how late he had to work, and when he could go in.

Parent II: After completing her education, Paulina decided to forgo paid work and home-school her three children fulltime.

To learn more about other work-family models, click here.
To learn more about Shared Care, click here.